This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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