there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
