He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
