one word: firstdatebathroomanal
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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