I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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