Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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