I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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