What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
