hotel room ftw
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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