just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
