I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
