Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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