You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize