so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
