I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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