This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
