I am spending my child support on dildos
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
