It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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