Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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