How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
