My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
