put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I want her autograph on my taint
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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