Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
