Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
