they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize