Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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