I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize