so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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