2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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