Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
