i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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