first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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