that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
