so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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