i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Randomize
