So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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