u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
