Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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