I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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