fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
