I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
