I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
