He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
