Non-Jews are for practice
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
