"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
