How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize