my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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