So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
