My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
