I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
