took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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