So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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