I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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