Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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