The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
