I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i drank out of a bidet.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize