at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
