I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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