mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
