we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
