i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
