This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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