i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
