It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
