i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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