She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I have feelings that need drinking.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
