I just saw a hot homeless man
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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