The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
