why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
