This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
