I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
A+ Viking dick
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
