why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
The power of my boobs compel you
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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