she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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