I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
