Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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