The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Just high enough for therapy.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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