Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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