I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
