garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
