well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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